Category: air conditioning

It had been a few months since Goob had begun his ghostly shenanigans of messing with the heating and cooling systems of Melbourne residents. In that time, he had perfected the art of imitating the strange noises that would come from a faulty air con to trick his victims into booking a service for their perfectly functional air conditioners.

His true moment of enlightenment came when he first possessed an air conditioning unit. It had been surreal but rewarding. Despite not having a body, his spirit felt cramped as it pushed its way between wires and dodged electrical currents. 

With practice, he had gotten so good that his control over the units was unbelievable. One day he possessed one boutique store’s unit and found by manipulating the currents that he could control all of the air conditioning systems near South Yarra – those that needed servicing, at least.

As time and the seasons passed by, the temperatures began to drop. It wasn’t just the cooling systems that began to be used. His pranks, whilst holding the same foundation in confusing the living, had to adapt. Soon after he was convincing folks all over that they needed to book in for a heater repair. Cheltenham all the way down to Frankston was buzzing with confused phone calls and internet posts.

Every little mumbled frustration or scratched head made him feel more and more seen. It had been so long since he’d been alive that he had almost forgotten how it felt to be heard. Whilst they weren’t talking about him exactly, it was leagues ahead of feeling ignored and forgotten. 

There were moments when he would feel remorse creep into his ghostly body. It didn’t help that his ghost pals didn’t approve of his newfound hobby. To cope with the growing emotions, he distracted himself by finding new ways to trouble the living. It was becoming a bad habit, but it was better than having to sit with his thoughts.

He didn’t realise until it was too late the damage he was causing.

Bureaucrats have not been keeping their cool over summer, with government offices reporting an average of three forms needing to be filled in before cooling may be switched on.

Due to poor productivity caused by lack of  air conditioning, Melbourne CBD offices alone is projected to have lost two million dollars collectively.

The office winning the dubious title of most forms to fill out requires some twelve forms before the air conditioner may be switched on.

An anonymous employee of the comments that he is not surprised that so many forms are involved.

“They just let us sweat, no matter if it is forty degrees plus they still will not switch on the air con because they want us to be more environmentally friendly,” he said.

“Never mind the trees that got cut down for their precious forms. One of my former colleagues once couldn’t take it anymore and switched on the power to their air conditioner- she didn’t even make it to the ‘on’ button before she was fired.”

Of nearly four hundred offices surveyed across the state, less than twenty do not require any forms to be filled out before air conditioning is engaged.

The survey was conducted by the Melbourne Centre for Office Research (CCOR). The CCOR itself requires eight forms to be filled before air conditioning may be approved.

Despite rarely using an air conditioning service, Melbourne offices spend an average of two thousand dollars per year on air conditioning maintenance and running costs. This number is likely inflated by one office spending upwards of five hundred thousand dollars per year on air conditioning costs.

“We expect that the air conditioning expenditure of the business in question is actually allocated to other costs although this has not been confirmed,” said CCOR chief investigator Dr Albert Kent.

“When this business is excluded from the survey, the average air conditioning expenditure is less than one thousand dollars.”

Dr Kent says that a follow-up survey on office procedures for heating will be conducted in Winter.